Unfortunately the snuff has totally the opposite desired effect. Wedging
halfway up my nostrils, it prompts me to sneeze. A whole umbel wreath flies
off the table. Grandma, meanwhile, is dabbing her own wrist, ready to inhale
too. Looking as fit as a fiddle, snuff is obviously not doing her any harm.

Moments later, barely recovered from my sneezing fit, I’m introduced to the
Hallertau Beer Queen. While caught off guard, I’m hardly surprised to hear
we have a local ambassador with such a title – we’re in the Hallertau.
Spanning 2400 sq metres, it’s officially the largest intact hop-growing area
in the world. Seventeen year old Anna Baum is the very first holder of the
title Hallertauer Bierkönigin and stands before me in full
costume – traditional Bavarian dirndl (full wide skirt).

Frankly, I’m in a bit of a tizzy. Not due to the “trip” I’ve just taken, but
because I’m unsure how to appropriately address her. Ihre Majestät,
Ihre Exzellenze? And what’s the German for “Your Royal Highness”? Even
more difficult – a typical German dilemma – should I say “Du”
or “Sie”? In the end we agree on “Du”.

We’re just getting to know each other when the local youth brass band, the Jugendkapelle,
bursts into a deafening march. Suddenly I can only follow half of what Anna
says and find myself listening, nodding rather dopily, hoping I don’t miss
anything too important.

Cupping my ears, it sounds like Anna’s trying to tell me her sister is “Bussi
Queen” of Bavaria. I love the word bussi. It’s local lingo for
a hug and kiss. Queen of Hugs! But my daydream is soon over. Shaping her
hands like a megaphone, Anna bellows: “Mu-siiik!” Her older
sister, evidently, is a former Music Queen.

Winning royal titles runs in this family. Anna’s other sibling was Hops Queen
too. Anna Baum has a tough year ahead though, as she races from one Bierfest
to the next. I can’t help feeling just a tad envious – imagine the
endless free beer. But when does much become too much, and isn’t less more?
Wouldn’t she rather just a half litre sometimes? “No, the full litre must be
– always,” she says. “In Bavaria that’s normal”.

Heading out into the hop garden for a photo call, I wish Anna well with her
beer-fuelled travels. And as the ear-splitting marching music plays on, I’m
reminded of my own mission. I’ve been busy rehearsing on the drums with the Jugendkapelle
(youth chapel).What started as just a joke has since snowballed into a
serious challenge – to play in a typically Bavarian brass band. Along the
way I’ve been taking tuition with a star drummer – Stephan Ebn from
seventies band Middle of the Road. After a final dress rehearsal I hope to
drum roll the band and burgher procession towards the Gallimarkt, the
region’s biggest beer festival.

Right now though I just need to rest my head. No more snuff for me, thanks.

Tim Howe teaches English and translates. He blogs on life in Bavaria at (knowhoweforenglish.blogspot.de).

For
more articles about expat life, sign up for our email bulletins.